Well I still don’t know what I want. I’m looking out for new job opportunities though. It doesn’t hurt, and it doesn’t involve any commitment. And if I can’t get pregnant then it doesn’t matter if I want a baby or not. I just have to live with what I’ve got. And what I’ve got is an amazing husband, so I can live with that 
Today is Monday. I am in extreme pain this morning. The fibromyalgia is always bad in the morning but not usually this bad. I took a sip of coffee and at least my spirit is feeling better now… haha. I would like to go home because it is difficult to concentrate on work when the pain is screaming at me. I don’t get paid time off however, so I am debating. I will probably end up toughing it out and staying at work.
On a positive note: I am alive. My family is alive. My friends are alive. We have all been given another day. And I am very grateful for that.
A new day December 6, 2004
Emotionally confused, I think December 1, 2004
Liking what I have, but wanting other things too. I like my job, but I want full-time employment. I like using our money to get out of debt, but I want to save some to go back to school and get my bachelor’s degree. I like my career and my free-time, but I want a baby. It must be time again to think about refining/redefining my long-term goals. Stop over-analyzing and make some decisions. Find a sense of purpose. Stop spinning my wheels and get out of the mud. Ergh.
