Louis Armstrong “A Kiss To Build A Dream On”He’s so dreamy…
Tomorrow is almost here! May 25, 2005
Tomorrow we head south to the abbey for a much needed retreat. Finally, it’s almost here!
Peace May 24, 2005
I just have a million thoughts going through my mind lately. Uneasiness. Thoughts about big stuff like my purpose in life and all of that. My roles: wife, sister, daughter, friend, employee. Am I okay? Am I where I need to be and being who I need to be?I think a lot about being a mother. Here we are trying to become parents, and I feel like I’m failing at all these other roles. And as much as I want to be a mother, I wonder if maybe that isn’t God’s plan for me. And how maybe it’s not my place to try so hard for it then. But if it’s not His plan for me, what is? That question is the scariest one. What is His purpose for me on earth? Yes, I know, the Great Commission and all of that… but that is too general. I know he put me here for a reason. I just want to know what it is.
I read about barren women in the Bible and the stories always seem to have such a sad tone to them, as if there is nothing else for them to contribute. I am a woman and I was created with a need to nurture. But who can I nurture?
The thing that’s hard is that I’m grieving infertility, but I don’t know for sure that I can’t get pregnant, so I can never really let go and move on. If I knew for sure that I would never get pregnant, then I could start to look for other opportunities, commit to other causes.
This and many other things are on my mind. I won’t bore you with the rest… this has been personal enough, don’t you think? But I will say that through all of this uneasiness I have become convinced that true peace can only come through Jesus Christ. And I know that Christ sent the Holy Spirit to be my constant guide. I may have all sorts of fears and uncertainty about what my future holds, but I know who holds my future. And I can deal with that.
Pictures of The England People and more… May 12, 2005
First stop last Sunday was at Jenny and Elton’s house to meet their twin baby boys, Noah and Ethan. Pictured here is my older brother, Brett, with 8 week old Noah:
And here I am with Ethan (He’s wrapped in the blanket I knit for him, and hey, check out the new sandals!):
Next stop was in Chelsea to visit Great Grandma Ruby. She’s 97… and a half. She is an amazing woman with a sweet and tender spirit and she always has wonderful stories to tell. And boy, does she love oatmeal raisin cookies! Here she is with me and my siblings:
Front row L to R: Dad, Josh. Back row L to R: Mark (brother-in-law), Kari, Brett, Grandma Ruby, Ashley, me, hubby Mike.
Last stop was down the road at the Holiday Inn to hang with “The England People,” as we had been calling them all day (“We’re going to see the twins and Grandma Ruby, and then later on we are going to go see ‘The England People.’”). Heidi and Tina are my dad’s cousins, and Phil is Tina’s husband. We had free coffee and wonderful conversation. Phil described the food in England – easy to cook and not too spicy – sounds like I belong there. I hope to visit some day. Here’s the group shot:
Front row L to R: Phil, Tina, Claudia (stepmom), Dad. Back row L to R: Mark, Kari, Mike, me, Josh, Brett, Ashley, Tina.
“The England People”
L to R: Heidi, Phil, Tina.
What’s mind boggling is that if my Great Grandma Ruby didn’t marry Lloyd, I wouldn’t be here. None of my family would be here. I would not exist if she hadn’t given birth to Richard, who married Marion, who gave birth to Jerry, who married Deb, who gave birth to me. And Heidi and Tina would not be on this earth either if Ruby had not also given birth to their mother, Joanne.
Great Aunt Joanne, Joanie actually, passed away last October. I miss her. She lived in England so I didn’t see her much, but she was the kind of woman who could have a twenty minute conversation with you and leave a lifelong impact. I remember a conversation I had with her at the family cottage one summer. I was young, maybe 10 or 12. I think I was telling her what I was learning about God and what I thought He was telling me. Childish ideas, I’m sure, but she listened so intently and when I was finished, she told me how great it was that God had given me so much wisdom at such a young age. This was a woman who I really looked up to for her faithfulness to Christ… and she was telling me that I had wisdom. She taught me that God speaks to children too, and I didn’t need to doubt when I believed God was speaking to me. How interesting that God has been teaching me now, at 27, how to hear from Him. Somewhere between then and now I forgot how. Or more likely, I just stopped listening. Wow. I am just dumbstruck right now. I always seem to forget how God is so personally involved in my life that He teaches me lessons like these, and then he reminds me through something like a 15 year old memory of my great aunt Joanie. There are no words to describe how amazing He is.
Mickey Mini May 12, 2005
Interesting. A car with mouse ears. Love it. Where’s MY Mini at?
By the way, I’m starting to fall in love with my new Birks. The great thing is that I can adjust the top straps so that socks don’t stretch out the leather. Socks come in handy on chilly days like today. Sadly, my Docs had stretched out quite a bit as a result of wearing socks because only the back strap was adjustable.
The new morning routine is still going well. I woke up before 6 this morning, before the alarm clock sounded. It’s so much more pleasant waking up on your own. Mike loves that I’m making him lunches every day. Eating out all the time gets so expensive and usually it’s fast food, so it’s terrible for our health. So this is a good change. We’re loving it. I also find myself housecleaning sometimes in the morning. Weird, huh? I mean, I hate housecleaning.
The Selleck’s visited together all day last Sunday and we were able to spend some time with our relatives from England. “The England People,” as we kept calling them. I’ll post pictures and more later.
Cheerio.
Mornings May 10, 2005
(Look! I’m on the 8’s again!)
So I’m trying this new thing in the morning. I’ve been getting out of bed when I wake up. Usually I just hit snooze and lay there and wait until I fall asleep again (which is usually just before the alarm goes off again). So I’ve only been doing this for 3 days but it’s been nice so far. I actually have time to eat breakfast and pack a lunch for later. Sometimes I write in my journal. You know, come to think of it, in the last 3 days I have not had that considerable pain in the mornings that I usually have. That would explain why it’s been so easy to get out of bed. How wonderfully strange.
Cookies May 8, 2005
So every time I bake cookies, people can’t stop telling me how great they are. Seriously. And they always want more. There are never enough cookies to go around. So what do you think – viable side business? Because I love making cookies. And I honestly don’t have enough friends and family to eat all the cookies I wish I could make. And I suppose it gets expensive after awhile, but I’ve never paid much attention to how much I spend on ingredients. All I know is I run out of flour and butter quite often. I wonder if QD or Beaner’s would let me leave some cookies for sale on their counters and just see how well they do. Hmm… Feedback anyone? What do you think?
Mehndi pics May 8, 2005
These are mehndi tattoos from Michelle’s bachelorette party. I was so busy taking pictures of the others I forgot to take a picture of mine. I took one the next morning while the mud was still on it so it didn’t look so great. And it’s hard taking a picture of your own heel.
Click on the photos for a larger view.
Michelle:
Staci:
Mindy:
