Ten snappy answers and more July 28, 2006

Ten snappy answers to the question, “When are you going to have a baby?” (From July issue of Conceive magazine)
1) When we get to it, I promise you’ll be the first to know.
2) When we are rich and famous.
3) Why do you want to know?
4) I’ve already had several miscarriages. (This usually shuts them up.)
5) Why are you so nosy? (Said with a smile, this comes off playful, though serious works well, too.)
6) I’m so glad you brought that up! I’m having fertility issues. What do you want to talk about first – my uterine lining or John’s sperm count? (Don’t be surprised if they spit out their coffee on this one.)
7) When we win the lottery.
We’re trying, and we’re having a hard time of it. Do you have any other friends with fertility problems?
9) We’ve decided not to have kids; thanks for asking. (When it happens, they’ll be surprised.)
10) We’re in a quandary – puppy or baby. Which do you think would be better?

Now, things not to say to someone struggling with fertility:
1) Just don’t think about it, it will happen!
2) Maybe you’re trying too hard.
3) But I bet it’s fun trying!
4) Just start to adopt – then you’ll get pregnant! That happened to my friend.
5) You’re really lucky – you can do anything you want. We never get to go out anymore.
6) Don’t worry, you’re still young.
7) Why do you want kids anyway?
Did you ever think about adopting?
9) Pregnancy is easy for me. I’ll be your surrogate.
10) Anything new on the baby front?
11) Are you keeping your legs up after sex?
12) Are you getting drunk before sex?
13) Is your husband wearing loose underwear?
14) Are you taking your temperature?
15) Are you using an ovulation predictor test?
16) Are you doing it doggy style? That worked for us!
17) Are you doing it in public? That worked for us!
18) You should have more sex.
19) It’s probably for the best.
20) Don’t worry, you’ll get pregnant soon.
21) You probably need a vacation.
22) I get pregnant when I look at my husband.
23) Give it time.

In seven years of trying, I have heard just about every one of these, except for maybe number 16. Fertility is a highly personal subject for anyone and it needs to be approached carefully. If you want to know what you can safely say, here’s a suggestion:

“I don’t want to keep asking about the baby stuff. Just know that whenever you want to talk I’m here.”

And please, for heaven’s sake, don’t ever ever ask anyone when they are going to have a baby. It’s nunna yo bizness.

Freezer pops July 27, 2006

Mike is crazy about these freezer pops. He’ll eat 10 or 20 in one sitting. He claims that the best freezer pops are the ones he buys at the hardware store. Tonight he had just finished sucking down his daily ration and I pointed out to him that the easy cheese was underneath the coffee table. I had dropped it a few days ago and never picked it up. He was happy to hear it because there were some crackers left and they were sitting in a basket on the coffee table. Cheese and crackers, and he didn’t even have to get up. “What goes better with freezer pops than cheese and crackers?” he says. Yeah! It’s like peanut butter and meatballs.

Oh, the conversations we have. I promise, we’re not on drugs.

The legacy of divorce continues… July 26, 2006

Rhapsody: Pink – “Family Portrait”
Mood: Heartbroken

Found out tonight that another friend has filed for divorce. I am in complete shock. This is a couple that I have always compared Mike and myself to. Married many years, been through a lot but have always pulled through. They seemed so happy the last time I saw them. They have two children.

I have now come to a disturbing realization. All this reading and discussion about children of divorce up to this point has been about my generation. Our parents divorced when we were children. We grew up. The questions have been How are we now? How has it affected us? I’ve been pushing to find how I can learn from my generation’s experience in order to help children of divorce in the future. I don’t feel like I’ve learned enough yet, but I figured I had time. There are so few children in my circle of influence. I know there are many children out there who need help but it wasn’t real to me until tonight. Tonight it hit home. My generation are the parents now. Our children are the next generation of divorce victims.

As you progress through adulthood, first it seems everyone is getting married. Then it seems everyone is having children. Is this the next stage? Get married, have children, get divorced? Then what’s next? The second and third weddings? The new babies with the new spouses? I am not ready for this. It’s one thing to see your parents going through all of this but I was somehow in denial that perhaps our generation would follow in their footsteps. No, I am not ready for this. I am not ready to watch my friends go through painful divorces and I’m not ready to see their children hurting and confused and I am certainly not ready to attend second weddings. Maybe I’m going too far with this, but maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just finally waking up to the depth of the effects divorce has had on all of our lives.

Lord, help us all.

By the way, I set up a blog for children of divorce. It’s a work in progress but I would love for you to check it out. Input is welcome and encouraged, as always.

Fake PSA from The Office July 25, 2006

Now this is a public service announcement I can stand behind.

Jellybean Warning

My health July 25, 2006

Pizza is in the oven so I’ll take 15 minutes to blog my health update.

My surgery went very well. I’m back to work and feeling good. I won’t go into the gory details (although I’ve thought about posting some of the pictures…) but the most exciting thing is that they found and removed three polyps in my uterus. The doc said they were probably a big factor in my infertility so our chances should be much better now. He wasn’t able to do the tubal dye study so he’ll probably just do it x-ray style back at the office. I’m just glad to have a break from the poking and prodding. I was starting to feel like I had donated my body to science. I’m sure it’s good practice for if I do get pregnant. We’ll see.

The visit with Dr. Beals went very well. They took x-rays of my neck, back, and knees. I have osteoarthritis in my lower back, which explains that pain (which I’ve had since high school, actually). Dr. Beals is going to do further review of the x-rays and let me know her findings at the next visit. They drew a gallon of blood to run lots of tests, and I got to pee in a cup (I have to say I’m getting pretty good at it now). I’m scheduled for a thyroid scan at the hospital in two weeks. After that I’ll be back to the office for my second visit. At that time we’ll be discussing the results of all the tests and talking more about my sleep patterns.

Two things Dr. Beals stressed was sleep and diet. She called me on Sunday to tell me she had some suggestions to help with my sleep but wanted to clear them with my ob/gyn because she knows we are trying to get pregnant. Wouldn’t want to prescribe something I wouldn’t be able to take, obviously. As far as diet goes, she recommended staying away from red meat, yeast, refined sugar, and Nutrasweet. The Nutrasweet was a big one. She said red meat and yeast 2 or 3 times per week isn’t too bad, but to stay away from Nutrasweet altogether. It’s terrible for seratonin levels (which help you sleep properly).

I found that Dr. Beals and her staff are extremely patient and thorough. They have an excellent track record and I’m confident they will be able to find a treatment plan for me that works. At least that’s my hope.

The Hybrid Car Question July 24, 2006

Should I Buy A Hybrid?

Gina is a CPA in Texas and a new blogger. I enjoy reading her posts regarding tax laws and I think she does a great job of writing in such a way that even “non-numbers people” can understand. The subject of gas prices and hybrids and foreign cars is big around here in Michigan so I thought some of you might be interested to see how she answers this question.

Third Wheel July 20, 2006

I came to check my e-mail because my mom and Mike are well into a very dynamic conversation about baseball. Yawn.

Let the vegging begin. July 20, 2006

This whole “actually working while I’m at work” is putting a damper on the blog. Ahh, there’s much to talk about but I don’t think I’m in the writing mood. My surgery is tomorrow. I need to get my things together and after that I plan on doing nothing but relaxing. Mom is coming tonight so she can be with me in the morning at the hospital. Mike will be there too, of course, but someone has to keep him company while I’m in surgery.

I had an excellent 1st visit at the Beals Institute on Wednesday. Blood work, x-rays, a lengthy consultation with Dr. Beals about my pain and fatigue. She is an excellent doctor. Very patient, very thorough. I almost felt like I was at the spa because the waiting room is filled with leather furniture, the exam rooms each have a leather recliner, I was in a comfy robe most of the time, and get this – they fed me lunch. Did I forget to mention I was there for four hours? That’s how the long the initial visits take for this kind of thing. It was the best four hours I’ve ever spent at a doctor’s office. I left feeling extremely hopeful.

Last night Claudia cut and highlighted my hair. It looks fantastic. She fixed the length and added more layers on the sides. I love it. Will I ever go back to long hair? I don’t think so.

I have three library books and my movie rental wish list in hand… I am ready for the weekend. Pass me the vicodin.

Cleansed and refreshed July 17, 2006

XM: Depeche Mode – “Personal Jesus”
Mood: See title

It was a short break, but it was extremely helpful. I refrained from blogging, both writing & reading (for the most part) and I feel a lot better. Less obsessed. I may still blog occasionally during the day (as I am now) but will save the longer posts for when I’m not on the clock.

So all I really wanted to say right now is that I was quite amused at a comment our new receptionist made this morning when she saw the picture of me and Mike on my bookshelf. The picture was taken a few years back at the Grand Hotel and my hair was shoulder length. Usually people comment on this picture to say how much taller Mike is than me. Not this time. She said she was surprised to see how long my hair was! I explained to her that I had actually chopped 10 inches off prior to that picture. Having had long hair for so long, it’s interesting to hear a comment like that from someone who has only seen me with short hair. And actually, it’s getting too long for my taste. I can’t wait until Claudia comes to cut it this week

On a break July 13, 2006

I’ve decided to exit the blogging world for a time. A vacation from blogging, if you will. I know this is going to be extremely tough for me but I think it’s something I need to do. Live here in the real world for awhile. To be honest, I believe I’m suffering through a mild depression. Have been for months now, but only now am acknowledging it. I thought this whole depression thing was past me but it has crept up again. I hate calling it depression because I would like to believe it is just a name for needing more of God or whatever, but it is what it is no matter what you call it. It’s this nagging despair deep down in me that I can’t seem to shake. I’ve tried everything I can think of and my last ditch effort is this: I give up. Lord, do you hear me? I give up. I am too tired to fix this and I refuse to pretend any longer that I can. So there. Ball in your court.